MURFREESBORO, TN – Never one to shy away from opening a new revenue stream, Murfreesboro Mayor and fur coat connoisseur Sugar Shane McHarland announced Friday that the City of Murfreesboro is opening an in-season Ski Lift at the beloved Mt. Trashmore, a local waste facility used to bury anything from household trash to neglected results of expensive national job searches that the City Council probably wasn’t going to read anyways.

On Friday, following an unusually strong winter storm, the Mt. Trashmore Ski Lift opened to local fanfare, drawing considerably more attention to the local landmark than just the usual vagrants, environmental activists, pissed off neighbors, and illegal dumpers. 

“We see it as a win-win,” said Mayor McHarland. “For years, our residents have visited this cherished treasure, finding it by neither map nor marker, but by scent. Now, after all of this snow and ice have landed, those same residents can pair that unique travel destination with quality family time on the slopes.”

An initial draft of the Mt. Trashmore Ski Resort(TM) revealed two proposed entrances, a North Entrance from Jefferson Pike and a West Entrance from Lebanon Pike. Depending on which entrance is used, visitors can enjoy one of five unique slopes down the trash heap, each with what has been hailed the greatest view of trash this side of Shelbyville.

A $25.00 Day Pass includes unlimited trash dumping and access to all five resort areas: The Bunny Slope; the Old Tire Slope; the Used Needle Slope; the Oh Shit Probably Drugs in Here Slope; and the RIP Forrest Hall Slope.

McHarland added that the City will be offering a photo opportunity for all skiiers, including a special gold ribbon for those who make it to the bottom without contracting hepatitis.

When asked, McHarland conceded that the slope names may upset some.

“Nowadays, people are gonna bitch,” said McHarland, turning to fellow council member Roddie Martin. “Nothing we can do about that, can we hoss?”

“Come on Hot Rod,” McHarland added, sliding on his ski goggles . “Let’s hit the slopes.”

Sam Clemens is the man smart enough to start a fake newspaper. He can be reached with comments, compliments, and salutations at  [email protected]. If you have a complaint, please see our Contact Page.