MURFREESBORO, TN – Victoria’s Secret was robbed again on Thursday, and, at this point, repeated theft seems to be what the panty paradise wants.
The Murfreesboro Tribune Investigative Team looked into the string of knicker nippers and found that the criminal episodes may stem from a printing error in the Daily News Journal, an overpriced blog that is printed on paper and sold to the public (which seems like a solid business model in the year of our Lord 2017).
In 2015, the Daily News Journal ran a coupon for Victoria’s Secret, but a printing error resulted in the coupon reading:
“Victoria’s Secret. Just Come Steal Everything!”
The Tribune Investigative Team found that over twenty different thefts have occurred at Victoria’s Secret in the two years since the coupon was printed, which is the approximate readership of the Daily News Journal. No coincidence, indeed.
To the delight of the marketing firm hired to help trouser trappers run away with unmentionables, the coupon appears to be highly effective. After all, the store was robbed.
This story is developing. And by developing we mean this place is just going to keep getting robbed, reporting the robbery to the police, taking up taxpayer resources, and writing off the stolen goods as a loss.
Rinse, repeat, and whatever you do don’t implement any reasonable security practices.