MURFREESBORO, TN – A Murfreesboro True Value hardware store is the subject of both flared tempers and uneasy national pride following its owner’s decision to host a “Whites Only” Holiday Paint Sale.
Holiday shoppers in search of deals in various Murfreesboro news outlets were shocked at the appearance of the ad, which stated:
“Come and Support True Value This Holiday Season! Whites Only—No Blacks, Browns, or Yellows!”
Dave Arian, who owns Arian Family Hardware, insists that the sale has nothing to do with race, but the community knows better.
“My simple misunderstanding over back stock is not a damn appeal to white supremacy,” Arian lied through his teeth. “In April, I ordered seventy different shades of white pantone and it didn’t sell, so I took out some ads this week.”
Arian Family Hardware has seen a 250% increase in its foot traffic since the sale was announced, as well as a 500% increase in protests.
Less than forty-eight hours after the sale was announced, every drop of paint, along with hammer, nail, wrench, and nut, was sold. However, the store was quickly filled with volunteers from the Southern Poverty Law Center and the American Civil Liberties Union.
Associates from the SPLC and ACLU, who have had makeshift field offices in Murfreesboro since 2009, when arsonists set fire to a local Islamic Center, have pointed out that that the ad was incredibly effective due to one simple omission: the word “paint.”
“Why did this man leave the word ‘Paint’ out of the ad if he wasn’t trying to appeal to racial hatred?” asked SPLC Field Director John White-Guilt. “We think it is pretty clear that this is a racist business that must be stopped.”
“Excuse me for not being some Mr. Billy Wigglestick Shakespeare,” said Arian, asked for comment on the omission. “Or that damn Edgar Allan Poe.”
At press time, local activists on one side of Broad Street were setting up a “True Values Matter” picket line in support of the store as an opposition group distributed placards with the message “Whitewashing hurts our feelings” stamped in red ink.
This story is developing.
Murfreesboro Tribune Beat Reporter Eddie Poe can be reached with comments, complaints, and sexual propositions at firstname.lastname@example.org.