Tag: Equality

From the Street: Weinermobile Hits Middle Tennessee

The Weinermobile, a beloved automobile built in the shape of an Oscar Mayer Weiner, will make stops in Smyrna and Murfreesboro this week in an effort to promote the company’s recent efforts to make their hot dogs healthier.

Here at the Tribune, we are a very serious news organization. Just because this article uses the word weiner doesn’t mean we would make penis jokes. Those would just be too hard to keep up.

[ba dum tsssh]

Our man Eddie Poe took to the streets to find out your thoughts on the phantastical phallic phenom working its way through Middle Tennessee. Fair warning, if this thing remains in town more than four hours, consult a doctor.

From the Street: What do you think about the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile coming to Middle Tennessee?


“A phallic, gas-guzzling machine resembling a food made of pig anus is going to be in town next week? Who’s going to be in D.C. voting to repeal Obamacare, then?”
Sally Samuelson, Program Specialist

 

I’ll pass. I used to be a Weinermobile groupie—no way they’re going to be able to match my crazy nights in the rent-by-the-hour hotels of Madison, Wisconsin.”
Ginger Nathans, Cashier

 

“I read about how Oscar Mayer made them free from artificial preservatives and by-products while avoiding added nitrites and nitrates, but I don’t know what any of that means.”
Bob Eufler, Insurance Salesman


Murfreesboro Tribune Beat Reporter Eddie Poe can be reached with comments, complaints, and sexual propositions at eddiepoetribune@gmail.com.

New Restaurant Tragically Mistakes Fake Newspaper for Real Newspaper

MURFREESBORO, TN – Chicken Salad Chick is a fast casual chicken salad restaurant, which opens a new location in Murfreesboro this week. From everything we can tell, the business is great and the food is delicious. However, Chicken Salad Chick recently made a mistake that led to some mild in-house hilarity.

As part of its comprehensive marketing plan, Chicken Salad Chick issued a press release to local media, which included important facts about the upcoming opening. The restaurant sent a copy of the press release to the Tribune and said they “would love to share this news with [Tribune] readers.”

Here at the Tribune, we aren’t satisfied with your cookie-cutter press release, so we decided to do our own write-up, which required a little more information than Chicken Salad Chick originally provided.

Here is the email exchange that followed:

From Tiffany ***** to The Tribune

Hey there,

I noticed you cover the scene in Murfreesboro and wanted to share some exciting news that I thought might be of interest. Chicken Salad Chick (CSC), the nation’s only southern inspired, fast casual chicken salad restaurant, will be opening its first Nashville area location on Tuesday, Oct. 11th at 2855 Medical Center Parkway in Murfreesboro. This company-owned location marks the third Chicken Salad Chick restaurant in Tennessee.

Would love to share this news with your readers. If interested, I’d be happy to connect you with a corporate executive who can speak on expansion plans in the Nashville area or provide images of the restaurant/menu items — let me know what you might need!

Thanks!
Tiffany

From The Tribune to Tiffany *****

Tiffany,

We would love to do a write-up! For our business announcements, we generally use information from a simple set of questions, which I attached below. Can you fill this out and kick it back over? We will draft something and send it out.

Sam.

Business Name:
Business Address:
Event Date & Time:
Contact Person:
Target Market:

From Tiffany ***** to The Tribune:

Business Name: Chicken Salad Chick
Business Address: 2855 Medical Center Parkway, Suite F
Event Date & Time: Chicken Salad Chick in Murfreesboro will be open Monday – Saturday from 10 a.m. – 8 p.m.
Contact Person: restaurant number – 615-900-3087 
Target Market: Murfreesboro

From The Tribune to Tiffany *****:

Tiffany,

We have reached out several times now and haven’t heard back on the “Target Market” statement. I wrote the following, which is all the information I have right now. Please let me know if you’d like to comment further.

I think this gets your business out and lets Murfreesboro know that you are a big fan of Murfreesboro residents!

Sam.

Big news for Murfreesboro Chicken Lovers! Chicken Salad Chick, the nation’s only southern inspired, fast casual chicken salad restaurant, will be opening its first Nashville area location on Tuesday, Oct. 11th at 2855 Medical Center Parkway in Murfreesboro. This company-owned location marks the third Chicken Salad Chick restaurant in Tennessee.

According to Chicken Salad Chick, its target market will be Murfreesboro, which appears discriminatory on its face, but may just be a business preference. The Murfreesboro Tribune reached out for further comment from Chicken Salad Chick a number of times, but could not find an answer, so it appears that the business will only be serving chicken salad to Murfreesboro residents.

Please do not come to Chicken Salad Chick if you live in: La Vergne, Smyrna, Eagleville, Walter Hill, Blackman, Christiana, Lascassas, Milton, Rockvale, or anywhere else outside of Murfreesboro. Chicken Salad Chick wants only Murfreesboro residents.

Welcome to the Neighborhood!

From Claibourne ***** to The Tribune: 

Hi Sam,

Tiffany passed along your email, as our South Florida office is currently closed because of the hurricane. Sorry if you’ve had trouble reaching someone! I’m available the rest of the day to speak more about the target market. You can reach me on my cell at ***-***-****.

Thanks,
Clay

From The Tribune to Claibourne *****:

Claibourne,

Unfortunately, a mob of rats chewed through our phone lines, so our phones are currently down.

I really just needed clarification on the target market. Is there anyone that Chicken Salad Chick is not targeting? In other words, certain people or areas that aren’t ideal customers?

We want to make sure our press release has the right information.

Sam.

From Claibourne ***** to The Tribune:

Sam,

Appreciate you wanting to get it right. Chicken Salad Chick in Mufreesboro welcomes all residents and visitors – near or far. We’re looking forward to sharing our delicious chicken salad with not only Murfreesboro, but all surrounding communities. Let me know if you have any additional questions.

Best,
Clay

From The Tribune to Claibourne *****:

Claibourne,

Received your message and we are very glad to hear that you will welcome anyone into the store. We were concerned for a minute about the Murfreesboro-only statement.

Please review the release below. We want to get this out today by 5:00 p.m. Let us know your thoughts as soon as you can. If we do not hear from you, we will run the release, as we believe it encompasses the all-inclusive mission you are shooting for.

Sam.

Big news for Murfreesboro chicken lovers! Chicken Salad Chick, the nation’s only southern inspired, fast casual chicken salad restaurant, will be opening its first Nashville area location on Tuesday, Oct. 11th at 2855 Medical Center Parkway in Murfreesboro. This company-owned location marks the third Chicken Salad Chick restaurant in Tennessee.

Most importantly, Chicken Salad Chick is an all-inclusive restaurant that will welcome all residents and visitors, near or far. The restaurant looks forward to sharing delicious chicken salad with not only Murfreesboro, but all surrounding communities. This includes transvestites, vagrants, hookers, and clowns.

On behalf of the Tribune, we are glad to have an all-inclusive restaurant in the area, who will serve anyone and everyone, regardless of violent criminal history or sex offender registry status.

Please stop by and welcome Chicken Salad Chick to the Neighborhood!

No response was received from Chicken Salad Chick, which means that the Tribune likely nailed the press release.

Welcome to the Neighborhood!