MURFREESBORO, TN – Citing “irreconcilable conflicts with basic norms of human decency,” the Urban Occupants, a relatively inconspicuous group of self-obsessed rabble rousers, closed its proverbial doors on Thursday, fueling speculation by absolutely no one as to why it happened.
“All good things come to an end,” said Urban Occupants Moderator Will Frakes. “So do awful things. And so do things that are worse than awful, like this group of soulless savages.”
The move surprised approximately three people who had ever come in contact with the group. Everyone else knew how toxic the group had become and each nodded in approval when the group finally shut its doors.
As a phoenix rises from the ashes, so too will these constant complainers find another page to complain. Until then, use your imagination to fill your life with people unnecessarily injecting politics into your life or complaining about any type of new construction that could ever exist with thirty square miles of their home.
Hats off to you, Urban Occupants. You will be missed.
Then again, we aren’t sure who will miss you, but maybe someone.
Sam Clemens is the man smart enough to start a fake newspaper. He can be reached with comments, compliments, and salutations at email@example.com. If you have a complaint, please see our Contact Page.