Nashville OKs Weed; Don’t Worry Guys, Murfreesboro Still Going to Heaven

MURFREESBORO, TN – Nashville’s Metro Council made history last month when it passed legislation to allow civil penalties for possession of small amounts of marijuana.

The bill, which was intended to provide relief to low-income and minority residents, allows police the option to reduce the penalty for a small amount of the sticky icky to a $50 fine and community service, an option that police will tragically, ironically, and inevitably use to further discriminate against low-income and minority residents.

In Murfreesboro, citizens are concerned that the growing influence of wacky tobacky may compromise the wholesome family values of Rutherford County, which are promoted fairly heavily in Rutherford County, even if it requires sweeping rampant drug use and low-income neighborhoods under the rug of society.

Murfreesboro Tribune Beat Reporter Eddie Poe took to the street to find out what Murfreesboro residents think about the Nashville Metro Council selling its soul to the devil for some of that sweet sweet cheeba.

From the Street: What do you think about the Nashville Metro Council passing a bill to allow decriminalization of marijuana possession?

“This will just make it easier to have two justice systems, one for real criminals, and one for those of us that like to puff on a little binger of jazz salad and get higher than a bat’s ass.”
Corey Janke, Marijuana Enthusiast.

“If I’d known that potential tax revenue effectively eliminates personal sins, I’d have started working at Enchanted Planet years ago.”
Jasmine Wakefield, Sales Associate at Enchanted Planet.

“I just hope none of those hippies decide to come down to Rutherford County with their Strawberry Diesel, Blue Dream, or Afghan Kush. Using nouns as adjectives is for wimps and commies.”
Winston Cutcliffe, Farmer.

“Awesome. It lets the police officer act on his own discretion. No one is better at ignoring instinct than a police officer.”
James Tarver, Unlikely to be given Civil Penalty.

1 Comment

  1. That’s why they call it dope!!!!

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