MURFREESBORO, TN – Nearly three and a half years after subtly disappearing into the abyss, fictional dramatist Sam Clemens announced that The Murfreesboro Tribune will return to part-time writing efforts. The catalyst? Literally just one person asked. 

“A few years back I decided to hang up my pen, pad, and codpiece until someone asked me to write again,” said Clemens. “I didn’t expect it to last this long, but last week someone finally noticed.”

The Murfreesboro Tribune is little more than long-form memes. The articles are for show at this point, as few people venture beyond article headlines. Honestly, Dear Murfreesboro has most of this covered, but we are bored and feel like writing.

“I’d like to thank the one person that noticed that we stopped writing,” Clemens added. “Seriously, lady. I wasn’t sure anyone ever noticed.”

During his absence, Clemens noted that the City of Murfreesboro experienced transformational change, no longer just an apartment-riddled Nashville suburb with questionable infrastructure, but instead emerging as an apartment-riddled Nashville suburb with questionable infrastructure. 

“Get it?” Clemens asked. 

If you have questions, comments, or tips for future articles, please contact Sam Clemens. If you have complaints, just keep them to yourself. If you were just here for the picture of the goose, we sincerely apologize— this just a half-ass return to part-time writing. Cheers to the mundane!

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Sam Clemens is the man smart enough to start a fake newspaper. He can be reached with comments, compliments, and salutations at [email protected]. If you have a complaint, please see our Contact Page.