MURFREESBORO, TN – The Murfreesboro Police Department has declared a state of emergency in various neighborhoods of Murfreesboro after approximately one inch of snow spurred rioting and food shortages.

It began snowing early Tuesday  morning, which, on any given day, has the potential to throw the city into a state of panic.

Around 8:15 a.m. on Tuesday morning, authorities received an anonymous tip that three men were fighting in the aisle at the Kroger on Middle Tennessee Boulevard. Within minutes, at least seven other fights were confirmed throughout the store.

Authorities have been quick to respond to the violence, calling for peace, safety, and every damn man for himself.

“This city needs to focus on what is important right now,” said MPD Spokesman John Snow, clutching a bag filled with assorted dry goods and some Funyuns. “Take care of you and yours at whatever cost it takes.”

The Murfreesboro Tribune Investigative Team arrived at Kroger to investigate, and to lock up whatever E.L. Fudge cookies were left on the shelves, and spoke with various rioters at the scene.

“Get what you can!” yelled an unnamed rioter, who had covered her face with a bandana and grabbed a package of day-old cookies. “You know this stuff is going to be gone soon!”

This story is developing.