MURFREESBORO, TN – It’s that time of year when the leaves turn, the winds change, and grown adults hand out candy to kids. For one day, at least.

Trevor Smallwood is learning the hard way that society accepts only a brief period of time for adult men to hand candy to children passing by, that brief period of time being Halloween Weekend.

We spoke with Smallwood in the back of his 1980s Ford Econoline windowless van.

“I just don’t get it,” said Smallwood. “Last night, I followed all these kids around and threw candy at them and everyone loved me. Now, all of the sudden, people start yelling.”

Smallwood admitted that his van could use a wash, as its paint job is made of spray paint. He also acknowledged that the scrape marks near the inside door were an aesthetic eyesore. “They shouldn’t be scraping to get out,” he joked.

In all, however, Smallwood expressed dismay that this great country just isn’t what it used to.

“Parents used to just let their kids walk all over town without any supervision,” Smallwood remarked. “Now, parents follow the kids everywhere. It makes it hard for guys like me, who just want to hand some candy out and maybe take a kid or two.”

The interview promptly ended when Smallwood dropped a can of chloroform hidden in his coat pocket onto the floor of the van.

Yes, we got the hell out of there.