MURFREESBORO, TN – The Murfreesboro Police Department raided an apartment near the Middle Tennessee State University on Monday and arrested Kedrick Jones, a twenty-two year old MTSU student who is tragically and unacceptably both black and from Memphis.

In recent weeks, MTSU has been afflicted by a series of off-campus shootings and criminal occurrences, many of which occur at nearby apartment complexes, and the community has been quick to respond with broad vagueries and baseless conclusions that this is all happening because of Memphis.

“With this arrest, we are hoping to send a message,” said Murfreesboro Police Department Spokesman Reginald White, III. “Memphis needs to stop sending its crime here. And by crime we mean black people. Stop sending your black people here.”

The social media response to recent shootings and violence has been swift, passively racist, and oddly confident that rampant violence has nothing to do with the community in which it has happened.

“I’m talking about thugs from Memphis,” said one commenter online, conveniently concluding that every single problem related to shootings and campus crime can be traced to Memphis, not the actual city in which the crime occurred.

“We need to fire MTSU President Ridley McPeak!” shouted another commenter at his computer screen. “All of these Memphis thugs are here causing this crime.”

The Murfreesboro Police Department heard the kinda-racist-but-maybe-not voices and responded accordingly, cracking down heavily on MTSU students from Memphis.

“I think people from Memphis will think twice before coming to Murfreesboro now,” said MPD Spokesman White. “They now know that this town will not stand for them trying to escape the inner city, better themselves, and earn an education. Not here. Not now. Not ever.”

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EDITOR’S NOTE: In case you have not caught on by now, some people are actually arguing that recent criminal acts in Murfreesboro have happened all because of Memphis and have used that position to push the (possibly racially motivated) theory that Memphis people just need to stay out of Murfreesboro. Here at the Tribune, we find that kind of thinking absurd and we will use satire in all of its glory to expose and ridicule such closed-minded views. In other words, the names and events in this story are not real and are being used to ridicule the very position that seems to have inflamed the masses. Calm the hell down.