MURFREESBORO, TN – A fight erupted at the Old Fort Parkway Walmart early Friday morning over a flash sale of low-quality off-brand toasters. During the fight, 46-year-old Jack Kerowitz got his hands on a toaster, but was stabbed twice in abdomen. According to Kerowitz, he came out a winner.

“I’m just excited to have got such a good deal,” said Kerowitz while strapped to an ambulance gurney, still bleeding from his stomach. “These things are normally ten dollars, and I got it for less than five!”

Walmart Security was unable to identify the perpetrator who stabbed Kerowitz in the stomach, but store employees have created a list of suspects, which includes Kerowitz’s own wife, who appeared upset at missing out on the toaster deal.

“I don’t really have nothing to say,” said Melanie Kerowitz, Jack’s wife, while she conspicuously folded a pocket knife and slid it into her purse. “I’m pretty upset I didn’t get a toaster and now I have to hear it from Jack that he got one and I didn’t.”

St. Thomas Rutherford confirmed that Jack Kerowitz was admitted to the hospital early Friday morning with non-life-threatening injuries and that he remains there, but declined to comment further, citing medical confidentiality.

Despite the hospital being jackasses about it, the Murfreesboro Tribune Investigative Team reached Kerowitz later Friday morning and he seemed to be in high spirits.

“You ever had soft bread before?” Kerowitz asked. “I don’t have to deal with that shit anymore. I’ll be here a couple days to get patched up, but this was totally worth it.”