MURFREESBORO, TN – In an interview Wednesday, Murfreesboro Mayor Sugar Shane McHarland appeared to threaten the life of Darnold, a three month old basset hound that is presently in the care of the City of Murfreesboro. Darnold is a touch slow, but was somehow still selected for this position.

Below is an excerpt from the controversial interview:

Q: Can you share what your position as Murfreesboro Mayor means to you?

A: I’m happy to share. Murfreesboro Mayor means a lot to me and my family. This post has been held by some incredible citizens, whether it’s Hollis Westbrooks, Richard Reeves, or Tommy Bragg. The best part of my day is waking up to serve the City of Murfreesboro. It is my encouragement at night and what will get me out of bed in the morning. But this isn’t a one person job. It takes a special group of people to execute the tasks required for this city to fire on all cylinders, and I am blessed to have that in the Murfreesboro City Council. It’s a privilege and an honor to serve with these folks every day.

Q: One more thing. Can you say the word ‘puppy’?

A: Did you say puppy?

Q: Yeah, I think we have what we need.

Stay with the Tribune as this story develops. Live coverage of the Darnold Memorial Service will be held once the heartless bastards on Facebook fail to share this post and Darnold walks the green mile.