MURFREESBORO, TN – A dumpster fire that slowly burns near the intersection of Northwest Broad Street and Medical Center Avenue in Murfreesboro is fed up with comparisons to the University of Tennessee Volunteers.

“I’m tired of it,” said the fire. “I just want to stay here and burn, creating something that is both offensive and visually horrific, and people just keep comparing me to that team.”

The University of Tennessee declined to comment, but Head Coach Butch Jones has made repeated references to fixing this football-team-disguised-as-a-smoldering-pile-of-manure “brick by brick.”

This story is developing.