MURFREESBORO, TN – The Rutherford County Election Commission will consider a petition to change the current location of whore houses throughout Murfreesboro, at the request of local entrepreneur Luther “Sweet Lou” Shirley.

The recent request to change the structure of a seven-member all at-large elected Murfreesboro City Council inspired Sweet Lou, who describes himself as a “talent manager,” to seek equal distribution of whore houses throughout the city.

According to Sweet Lou, it’s impossible for whores who all live on one side of Murfreesboro to serve the entire city. He seemed disinterested in the fact that the current whore houses have led to tremendous growth and success in the city.

“There are over 100,000 people who live in this town spread out over fifty square miles,” said Sweet Lou, “and they should all have access to my women.”

The Murfreesboro Tribune Investigative Team found that the seven whore houses that currently serve Murfreesboro are all located within two miles of each other in North Murfreesboro.

Sweet Lou is worried that automotive technology may not provide a way for hookers to travel quickly from one side of town to the other. He is also concerned that hookers may struggle to find some form of modern telecommunication to interact with potential customers in different parts of the city.

“How people gonna get to my hoes?” asked Sweet Lou. “You got seven houses on the same block running women and I’m up here across town wondering where my ladies at. I don’t care that the current setup works. ‘Dem hoes need to live here.”

The seven whore houses currently serving the City of Murfreesboro include:

Longford Lounge
Owner: Sugar Shane McHarland
2911 Longford Drive

The Hideaway Off Jones
Owner: Big Rob Washington
1107 Trinity Drive

Prestige Worldwide
Owner: Ol’ Don Young
1746 Somerset Drive

Boats ‘N Hoes
Owner: Fast Eddie Silverman
707 Woodmont Drive

Ladies’ Choice
Owner: Straddlin’ Madeline Hales
511 Archer Avenue

Buckingham Palace
Owner: Tricky Dick LaChance
1414 Buckingham Drive

All Good at Glenwood
Owner: Diamond Bill Hackett
1006 Glenwood Drive