Tag: Get Out There and Do It

Free Candy Out of a Van (and Other Things to do This Weekend)

August 17, 2018 /

MURFREESBORO – Here at the Tribune, we love weekends. The Tribune Staff scoured upcoming local events to find some good, clean family-friendly activities for the upcoming weekend.

If you’re looking for things to do this weekend, here are some ideas straight from the Tribune Editorial Board:

1. Mayday Brewery Hot Chicken & Jorts Party
It’s deliciously trashy, but sufficiently entertaining. Join a cast of characters who have no business wearing cutoff jean shorts. Feeling adventurous? Embarrass yourself too. You have full permission from The Tribune.

2. Dress up as Chewbacca and Hand Out Candy in Public
Why is this reserved for Halloween? It’s August, which is a damn fine month for handing out candy. If you want to really garner public attention, bring your windowless van and hand the candy out of the back. Or, if you’re looking for things to do with that van…

3. Serve Ice Cream Bars Out of Your Windowless Van at the Soccer Park
Trust us: the parents will love it. Who wouldn’t love a benevolent, handsome, and fully-toothed stranger handing out free ice cream to brighten the days of young ones? If parents object, it’s probably because they’re the kind of parents that hand out trail mix at Halloween. It has nothing to do with the pure creep factor emanating from your van.

4. Quietly Resent Your Spouse
Because who the fuck does she think she is?

5. Kick Your Neighbor’s Dog When No One is Looking
That little dog has been asking for it. Wait until no one is looking, and kick that little bitch like Beckham. And we use bitch as the technical term for a female dog. This is a family publication folks, but we also strive for pure journalistic integrity. If your mother gives you a problem for reading it, tell that bitch to keep it to herself.

If you have events that you would like to be submitted for future editions of “What to Do This Weekend,” you can send those events to [email protected].

Abandon Your Kids at Arby’s (and Other Things to Do This Weekend)

June 9, 2017 /

MURFREESBORO – Here at the Tribune, we love weekends. The Tribune Staff scoured upcoming local events to find some good, clean family-friendly activities for the upcoming weekend.

If you’re looking for things to do this weekend, here are some ideas straight from the Tribune Editorial Board:

1. Get an STD in Manchester Go to Bonnaroo
Because those music festival goers have health, cleanliness, and personal hygiene in spades. Frolic and play all you’d like and make sure to bring home the gift that keeps on giving and truly lasts a lifetime: your preferred sexually transmitted disease.

2. Go to the Lake in Your Friend’s Boat
Whether he knows it or not. He didn’t buy that boat for you to not have fun, right? While he is at work, with his family, or just angrily watching from his living room window, go ahead and hook that boy up to your truck and enjoy some time at the lake!

3. Eat as Much FroYo as You Can at Sweet Cece’s Using Only the Sample Cup
They wouldn’t give you the sample cups if you weren’t supposed to use them. Pro Tip: ask to sample a flavor, enjoy the sample, and slowly nod your head while muttering an inquisitive “hmm.” This will tell the employee that you enjoy it, but that you may need to look further. Rinse and repeat for every flavor until they stop you.

4. Visit McDonald’s to Say Hey to the Cool Kid from High School
You all remember J.T., right? You may remember him as “Flash Muscles,” the nickname he made for himself. He goofed off a little too much, skipped class a little too much, and smoked pot a little too much. Now he scoops your fries at just the right pace. But hey, at least he bagged a lot of hot chicks in high school, for what that’s worth in his late twenties.

5. Leave Your Kids at Arby’s and Enjoy a Date Night
They’ll be fine. They’re almost six. Go have some you time.

If you have events that you would like to be submitted for future editions of “What to Do This Weekend,” you can send those events to [email protected].

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