MURFREESBORO, TN – In a stunning report released by the Murfreesboro Tribune Social Media Investigations Unit, local libertarians are pretty damn pissed about a proposed tax increase and hold a 99.986% chance of yelling at you about it.
“I always thought that the liberty crowd was so friendly,” said Murfreesboro resident Ronnie Paul. “I’ve never seen any libertarian over-sharing on social media to the point of getting almost universally blocked, sharing absurd and widely-debunked conspiracy theories, decrying the two-party system, or suspiciously over-stocking a doomsday bunker. They’ve always been so kind and non-confrontational about politics.”
A field study conducted by the Tribune found the following range of responses when an unknowing citizen or unlucky social media user inadvertently engaged a libertarian about a potential tax increase:
99.986% – Libertarian Yelling
63.642% – Libertarian yells about taxes
22.381% – Libertarian yells about government in general
8.218% – Libertarian yells about the two-party system
5.745% – Libertarian yells about the rising threat of authoritarianism0.014% – Other Libertarian Actions
0.011% – Libertarian engages in poetry slam about the welfare state
0.004% – Libertarian shares excerpt of Ron Paul themed erotic fiction
“This report confirms what we have believed for a long time,” said Tribune Reporter Ron Cato. “Individuals who share libertarian political articles and memes possess staggering odds of yelling at you about increasing taxes.”
“Be informed,” Cato added. “And be ready.”
Sam Clemens is the man smart enough to start a fake newspaper. He can be reached with comments, compliments, and salutations at [email protected]. If you have a complaint, please see our Contact Page.
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