MURFREESBORO – According to a report released by the Murfreesboro Tribune Investigative Team on Thursday, it is still cheaper to just do drugs in an empty field than to attend the 2016 Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival.

Bonnaroo offers live music, social activities, and copious amounts of recreational drug use, including marijuana, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, MDMA, acid, LSD, mushrooms, amphetamines, adderall, benzos, cough medicine, whippits, low-grade beaver tranquilizers, and Uncle Buck’s Pocket Candy.

Bonnaroo enthusiast Molly Coke is one former music festival attendee that decided to forego Bonnaroo this year in favor of simply standing in an empty field and doing experimental drugs.

Coke estimates that the cost for a weekend at Bonnaroo is nearly $1,000.00, which includes $600.00 for tickets, $100.00 for food and supplies, and $300.00 for various hippie wares, such as rainsticks, dream catchers, and assorted arts and crafts.

In comparison, Coke estimates that the cost of standing in an empty field and doing drugs is minimal, as it requires nothing but the cost of drugs. Depending on the drug, Coke says that the price ranges from several hundred dollars to the mere performance of a backyard sammie for the cashier at the neighborhood bodega.

“I thought about going back to Bonnaroo,” said Coke. “But let’s be honest, I’m just there for the drugs. Instead of dealing with filthy hippies, meditation circles, and hackey sack contests, I’ll just do drugs in this vacant lot.”

The Tribune Investigative Team confirmed that the ecstasy used by Coke was legitimate. Three Team Members left for a warehouse rave and we lost Phil, but it was a hell of a ride.