MURFREESBORO, TN – In a move that family and friends described as a “complete shock,” local mother Lacey Temple has decided to not whore out her social media account for a multilevel marketing company, despite the fact that nearly every other mother she knows appears to have done so.

Temple, a stay-at-home mother of three, is an ideal candidate for an independent marketing representative with a triangle-shaped business venture, a position that several of her friends have taken to earn a moderate side income, regardless of the enormous damage that the position does to their personal and professional reputation.

“I’m stunned,” said Heather Wakham, a friend of the Temple family, who also serves as a Double Diamond Seal Super Plus Rep with Plexus Worldwide. “Lacey has an opportunity with our company to buy my products, make a lot of money for me and my kids, and talk her friends into doing the same for her. It’s pretty selfish to not help me out.”

Temple reported that she has been approached by representatives from Avon, Herbalife, Mary Kay, AdvoCare, Rodan + Fields, Plexus, Pampered Chef, DildoWorx, Scentsy, and the Columbia House VHS Sales Program, but does not plan to take part in any completely legitimate business that allows you to make money by recruiting people to work directly underneath you.

“I think she’ll come around to it,” said Megan Temple, Lacey’s older sister, who is also a Brand Ambassador Double Secret Six Important Title Rep with It Works! (but seriously have you tried that crazy wrap thing?). “Once she realizes the incredible effect of these wraps, and how much money you can make by pressuring your friends and family through Facebook to try this voodoo science, she’s going to jump on board.”

The writer of this article was unable to reach Temple for comment, in part because I recently accepted a position with Juice Plus and, hey, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t ask strangers to buy, would I? Answer the phone, Lacey. You need this juice stuff.