Category: Weather

From the Street: Staying Cool in a Heat Wave

July 24, 2017 /

MURFREESBORO, TN – Murfreesboro has seen a recent heat wave, replete with increasing temperatures, unwelcome spaghetti straps, and Crocs.

Fortunately, every person in Murfreesboro appears to own just enough clothing to cover up those naughty bits and take the twin tassels for a leisurely stroll, leaving the shame at home.

Our man Eddie Poe took to the street to get some advice about how to stay cool in a heat wave.

From the Street: How do you stay cool in a heat wave?

I smoke Kool menthol Cigarettes. The 110’s. I’m cool as fuck right now, but you probably can’t hear me through this thick haze of flavor.
Chazz Formerjock, Local Electrician

If I were my mother-in-law, I’d spend the day telling everyone else how hot it is, because no-one couldn’t possibly know or understand thermal change without her say so.
Elizabeth Whyte, Former Resident

My bestie told me to wait for the ice cream truck to randomly show up like it’s a text from my ex, Tyler. Have you heard from him?
Poplin Daniels, Retail Worker

Back in my day, we’d hop head-first into an empty pool and get transported magically to an air conditioned emergency room, but I’m from Canada.
Richard Colter, Tech Analyst 

Murfreesboro Tribune Beat Reporter Eddie Poe can be reached with comments, complaints, and sexual propositions at [email protected].

Food Riots Erupt After One Inch of Snowfall

January 6, 2017 /

MURFREESBORO, TN – The Murfreesboro Police Department has declared a state of emergency in various neighborhoods of Murfreesboro after approximately one inch of snow spurred rioting and food shortages.

It began snowing early Tuesday  morning, which, on any given day, has the potential to throw the city into a state of panic.

Around 8:15 a.m. on Tuesday morning, authorities received an anonymous tip that three men were fighting in the aisle at the Kroger on Middle Tennessee Boulevard. Within minutes, at least seven other fights were confirmed throughout the store.

Authorities have been quick to respond to the violence, calling for peace, safety, and every damn man for himself.

“This city needs to focus on what is important right now,” said MPD Spokesman John Snow, clutching a bag filled with assorted dry goods and some Funyuns. “Take care of you and yours at whatever cost it takes.”

The Murfreesboro Tribune Investigative Team arrived at Kroger to investigate, and to lock up whatever E.L. Fudge cookies were left on the shelves, and spoke with various rioters at the scene.

“Get what you can!” yelled an unnamed rioter, who had covered her face with a bandana and grabbed a package of day-old cookies. “You know this stuff is going to be gone soon!”

This story is developing.

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