Author: SamClemens (Page 11 of 13)

Murfreesboro Mayor Sugar Shane McHarland lives the perfect life: husband, father, businessman, and public servant. He owns McHarland Construction in Murfreesboro and served two terms as a Murfreesboro City Councilman before being elected Mayor in 2014.

In a disturbing turn of events, the Tribune Investigative Team recently discovered that Mayor McHarland, often lauded as a selfless public servant, lives a shocking double life as Shawn McHarland, an alleged Doctor of Pharmacy with the Tennessee Valley Healthcare System.

In June, Tribune Investigative Team Member Watson Holmes arrived at City Hall to complain that the little douche rocket kids down the street keep stealing his mail. Holmes was informed that Mayor McHarland was in a meeting in Council Chambers and could not reached at that time.

Deciding to just use homemade explosives to solve the problem, Holmes left City Hall and went to Cici’s Pizza for an early dinner— because who can turn down a $3.00 all-you-can-eat buffet? When he arrived at Cici’s, Holmes was stunned to see Mayor McHarland there as well, seated in a booth and stealthily dressed in a VA Medical Center costume.

Like any responsible citizen would do, Holmes returned to City Hall, bypassed security, and broke into Mayor McHarland’s office to see what was going on. Holmes went through the Mayor’s desk drawers and read the Mayor’s personal diary, which included copious references to the current season of The Bachelorette, but had nothing about an appointment at Cici’s Pizza. Something was amiss.

Holmes quickly framed Manuel, the kindhearted cleaning man, for the break-in at the Mayor’s office. It might not be fair, but Holmes is committed to his work and can’t take a felony right now. He has too much riding on a promising career in fake journalism.

Holmes rushed back to Cici’s Pizza to find Mayor McHarland, still in costume, now joined by an attractive mistress named Bette and two adorable children, who were likely kidnapped through an underground trafficking ring.

After dinner, Holmes followed Mayor McHarland and his sham family to a home in North Murfreesboro, a perfect location for a wealthy white man to live a double life. That part of town is sorted into the rows of homes full of boring white people. A successful white man living a double life can just blend into the crowd.

Holmes watched through the windows of the home as Mayor McHarland tucked the kidnapped children into bed, setting a stuffed animal next to each child, as if that package of stuffing would somehow compensate for being ripped away from their biological family to live with this covert imposter.

Later that evening, in an act of moral depravity, Holmes observed Mayor McHarland enjoy marital privileges with his mistress, Bette. Holmes confirmed as much, in graphic detail, which prompted his editor to ask how long Holmes sat and watched the bedroom rodeo. Holmes was uncomfortable answering that question, but has been referred to appropriate therapy for treatment.

After several hours of watching this make-believe family, Holmes could take no more. He immediately returned to the Tribune Investigative Headquarters, located at the corner booth of the Waffle House on Middle Tennessee Boulevard, and reported his findings.

It does not make the Tribune proud to report on this moral tragedy. However, it is our duty to the community, as investigative journalists, to report on hard-hitting news.

At this time, the Murfreesboro Tribune calls on Mayor Sugar Shane McHarland to resign his position as Murfreesboro Mayor and issue a public apology for the false life that is known as Shawn McHarland.

Also, it would be nice if Mayor McHarland would return his mail-order bride to her loved ones and find a home for the two kids he abducted, who are probably on the side of the milk carton from which his real family drinks.