MURFREESBORO, TN – Recent interviews confirmed that all of your single friends are very interested in your Valentine’s Day posts on social media. According to various statements, the posts encourage your friends, inspire them to be better, and develop long term happiness.
Hank Sadd, a spokesman for the Murfreesboro Single Awareness League, reiterated that single people everywhere are just so damn happy for you.
“We love it,” Sadd said. “Every time you post about the flowers you received, the cards you gave, how happy you are with your significant other, and all of the great times you two have shared together, it just fills us up with happiness.”
Asked if posts of this nature may cause resentment, jealousy, or depression among single people, Sadd quickly denied any negativity.
“Of course not,” Sadd laughed, with an awkward, seemingly-forced smile. “Who told you that? Karen? Because she is a f***ing sociopath and I’m totally over her.”
Sadd left the interview to finish an eight page handwritten letter begging Karen to take him back.
Other SAL representatives declined to comment, instead spending their Valentine’s Day alone in thought, ruminating on past failed relationships, and drowning sorrows in cheap vodka.
“Seriously though, guys, we are so happy for you,” Sadd sobbed through tears. “Please keep mercilessly pounding us with your messages of happiness. It makes this made-up holiday so damn easy.”
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