MURFREESBORO, TN – News broke on Friday that a beloved local business, the Fartful Bagel, will close its doors to the public. The last day for the Fartful Bagel was Saturday.
In response to the announced closing, hundreds of commenters on social media have expressed infinite sadness, egomaniacally shifting attention away from a failed local business and the related emotional grief of the owners and placing the spotlight squarely on themselves, because, you know, now they can’t go get a snack from a place they went that one time, which is pretty much just as bad.
The Murfreesboro Tribune Investigative Team looked further into the comments and, surprisingly, it seems that very few of the people expressing dismay at the business closing even spent one damn dollar of their own money to support the owners.
“Oh no!!” said one commenter, with the double exclamation point to let you know that she is significantly hurt. “I never got to make it in there but had always wanted to!” Oh. Well, she really wanted to go. So that counts for something, right?
“We really enjoyed the time we did come in,” wrote another commenter, emphasizing the one damn time she managed to make it to the store in the eighteen months that the store was open to the public. How in the world could this place have closed with your incredible support?
One commenter tagged a friend and wrote “guess we will never get to try this place!!!” As if they never had a chance to park in the parking lot, walk in the door, and spend a few bucks on a donut in the five hundred or so days that the shop was open for business.
Here at The Tribune, we recommend actually spending money at local businesses, instead of waiting for the business to close and expressing your confusion at how a place that you never gave money to couldn’t quite make it.
In related news, The Murfreesboro Tribune Investigative Team has found that the comment “Prayers!” has resulted in significant medical improvement for individuals suffering from illness, so keep on doing that too.