MURFREESBORO, TN – Customers at Jason’s Deli in Murfreesboro remained frustrated on Monday as the Salad Bar Lady personally interfered with nearly every customer in the restaurant during the tumultuous lunch hour rush.
The Salad Bar Lady, also known as Amy Post, is a forty-seven year old hater of people, engineered to frustrate even the most simple lunch tasks. As a former teller at the Department of Motor Vehicles, she is trained to turn an attainable task into a logistical clusterfuck.
The Salad Bar Lady answers to no one. Fueled only by a desire to wage war against practicality, she spends her days dutifully filling only the salad bar bins that need the least attention. There is a line of thirty-six people for garbanzo beans. The Salad Bar Lady cares not.
The Salad Bar Lady stands behind no one. She follows you, step by step, until you reach for a pair of tongs, at which time she launches into action, “excuse me” be damned. On her apron, you may find handwritten notes containing your home address and list of personal fears.
Jason’s Deli Manager Jake Trainer declined to comment on the extensive lines at his salad bar, but he did note that the volume in the restaurant has increased significantly since he hired the Salad Bar Lady, due to the fact that it takes thirteen hours to finish a salad bar meal in his restaurant.