MURFREESBORO, TN – Murfreesboro Mayor Shane “Sugar Shane” McHarland declared a City-Wide State of Emergency on Wednesday morning, citing continued rainfall and its effects on the public health.
“The City of Murfreesboro has been battered by rain for what seems like years,” Mayor McHarland told a small group of reporters this morning. “At this time, we are in need of emergency reserves to combat the weather and its effects on city employees.”
While Mayor McHarland declined to provide specifics, a source close to the City Council confirmed that the emergency declaration came shortly after Councilman Roddie “Hot Rod” Martin was caught in a rainstorm during his morning commute, but did not have an umbrella for protection.
According to confidential sources, the rain pelted Martin’s signature hairstyle, threatening the overall handsomeness of the Murfreesboro City Council and forcing Mayor McHarland into action.
“We have used the emergency funds to invest in proper rain protection for all city employees, including Councilman Martin,” McHarland added after being asked for comment. “For the sake of God and country, his hair must remain undisturbed by the elements.”
This story is developing.
Sam Clemens is the man smart enough to start a fake newspaper. He can be reached with comments, compliments, and salutations at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you have a complaint, please see our Contact Page.