MURFREESBORO, TN – In what has become an August tradition unlike any other, school teachers have taken to social media with vague grumblings of having to actually work for a living like the rest of the peasants who worked during the months of June and July.

“OMG school is back this week,” tweeted Jennifer Edgell, a third grade teacher at John Pittard Elementary School, comfortably resting poolside for the ninth consecutive week. “This is unbelievable!” she tweeted between sips of her third margarita.

Blackman Middle School sixth grade teacher Mark Goodman took to Facebook to express his disbelief that an employer would expect a return to employment after about sixty days of slumber. “Wow this summer flew by!” Goodman remarked. “Seems like that way for everyone I talked to!”

Is that right, Mark? Your doctor, accountant, mailman, grocery store clerk, lawyer, barista, pizza delivery guy, chiropractor, plumber, carpet cleaner, and insurance salesman all complained that their summer break was equally short? Yeah. Our weekends did seem short.

At least one educator, Siegel High School math teacher JoAnne Hoekstra, seemed satisfied that teachers would be returning to paid vacation shortly.

“Fall Break can’t come soon enough y’all,” Hoekstra tweeted. “Pray for me!”

Yes, JoAnne. We will pray for the eight consecutive weeks of work that will be required of you until the taxpayers mercifully grant another nine days of paid vacation for Fall Break. We are all with you on this.

Pray for the teachers, y’all. It’s hard out there.

Sam Clemens is the man smart enough to start a fake newspaper. He can be reached with comments, compliments, and salutations at If you have a complaint, please see our Contact Page.