MURFREESBORO, TN – The 20th Annual Jazz Fest was held this past weekend on the Murfreesboro Public Square. Attendees expressed a sincere appreciation for all of the subtle nuances and finer parts of jazz music.
“My favorite thing about jazz music is drinking keg beer from a trash can,” said Amelia Cartwright, a self-proclaimed jazz enthusiast. “Being able to kick back in a camping chair and play drinking games with your friends really brings out the beauty of jazz.”
When asked to list their favorite thing about jazz music, attendees named several prominent features of jazz music, including carnival food, the annual beer pong tournament, and drinking wine straight from the box.
“My favorite part was the wet t-shirt contest,” said MTSU sophomore Austin Yates. “Miles Davis and Louis Armstrong would be proud of the way those perky, ice-cold nipples complemented a sax solo.”
Event Organizers praised the record-setting attendance at Jazz Fest as proof that the community has truly embraced jazz music.
“When I see a young man reach into his cooler, pour liquor into an unmarked cup, take a hit of his finest cheeba, and chow down on some carnival food, I can tell that he is here for jazz music,” said Karen Norris of Main Street Murfreesboro.
City officials began cleanup on the Murfreesboro Public Square shortly after the event ended, working to clear trash and debris in the street, overturned garbage cans, and toilet paper thrown over the Historic Courthouse.
“It’s a typical jazz concert if I’ve ever seen one,” said Mike Ripa, the director of the cleanup. “Our crew found an inflatable swimming pool filled with marshmallows, a police cruiser set on fire, and some people passed out in the street. This place loves jazz music.”
The Murfreesboro Police Department located several used needles in the street, at least six decapitated stuffed animals in the bushes, and the remnants of an active meth lab in a nearby port-a-potty.
“It was the best Jazz Fest yet,” said Karen Norris. “The focus was one hundred percent on jazz music. I have no doubt about that.”