MURFREESBORO, TN – According to a report issued by the Middle Tennessee State University Department of Important Department Titles, the election of Donald J. Trump as President of the United States has created some devastating consequences.
According to the Trump Report, the world is now faced with the sudden advent of violent crime, sexual assault, and racism, none of which existed before this election.
“I just can’t believe this,” said Kylee James, a nineteen year old Hillary Clinton supporter, who has clearly lived long enough to make a profound statement on race relations. “The police say that people are being raped and mugged every day, and my friends say that none of this occurred before Trump was elected.”
“I was walking to my car last week, and someone yelled ‘go back to Mexico!'” said Julio Rodriguez, a Central American high school student. “I’m not even Mexican, but my heart still hurts because I know that, before Trump, no one was ever racist.”
Records obtained from the Murfreesboro Police Department showed that, since the election of Donald Trump, there have been several crimes committed, including drug abuse, rape, and theft. The Murfreesboro Tribune Investigative Team confirmed that these crimes were committed after Trump was elected president, which means that these crimes were caused by him and his followers.
Many violent and racist activities are being logged by Twitter users in a collection titled “Day One in Trump America.” The collection provides a series of disturbing events that must have never happened before, including yelling racial slurs and kids getting in fights at school over racial taunting.
It is fairly clear to the Murfreesboro Tribune that none of this has ever happened before and that this is all Trump’s fault.
Please go back where you came from, Trump. This world can’t survive if people commit crime or make racist statements. Society will end as we know it.