Category: Tribbies Awards

Business Pretty Sure Newspaper Award Worth Shameless Groveling

MURFREESBORO, TN – It’s that time of year again! When local businesses bend over backwards, beg, borrow, steal, and threaten violence to your loved ones in exchange for a vote in an online popularity contest called The Ruthies.

Each year, the Daily Poo Journal, Rutherford County’s #1 soon-to-shut-down news source, hosts The Ruthies, an online voting competition that truly measures what local businesses will badger and harass friends and family most.

“It’s an honor to be nominated,” said Emily Leitner, who nominated herself. “To think that I took the time to type my own name into a nomination form. Just wow. So humbling.”

Leitner is one of many local businesses who use the Ruthies as an opportunity to keep in touch with friends and family by shamelessly asking for favors.

“I forgot it was August for a minute,” said Murfreesboro resident Jake Freeze. “But then my friend who is a physical therapist started blowing me up about voting for him and I knew it was Ruthies time again.”

Ruthies winners earn the distinct honor of receiving a plaque equal to or smaller than those earned by parks and recreation little league runners-up. Other accolades and advertising cost extra.

“It’s exciting,” said John Newcomb, who owns Pipsqueak Computers in Murfreesboro. “If we win, we get the chance to buy more promo materials and even some ad space. What a deal!”

Here at The Tribune, we applaud the Daily Poo Journal for its wit and creativity. After all, the Ruthies competition is likely the best that those junior college graduate ass hats could come up with. Try some real news, fellas.

Sam Clemens is the man smart enough to start a fake newspaper. He can be reached with comments, compliments, and salutations at If you have a complaint, please see our Contact Page.

2016 Tribbies Awards: Nominations Open!

It’s that time of year, friends! The special time where business professionals forsake shame and whorishly ask everyone they know to log into a special window and place a check next to their likely undeserving business in a local popularity contest.

Here at the Murfreesboro Tribune, we feel an obligation to use our influence to provide insight into the quality of local businesses. And by that, we mean that we feel an obligation to make up some awards to exploit the selfish nature of business, hock them to the community as something legitimate, and snake out as much ad money as we can get from this community-serving process.

Please use the form below to submit your nominations for the 2016 Tribbies Awards. The categories for Tribbies Awards are listed below. To submit a nomination, simply type in your name and email address, the category for your nomination, and the nomination itself. You can write-in categories if you do not see your preferred category listed below .



Favorite Day Trip with the Kids

Favorite Adult Athletic League for Alcoholics

Favorite Day of the Week to Get Drunk in Your Front Yard

Favorite Park to Drop Off Your Kids and Ignore Them

Favorite Place to Wander Pantless

Favorite Excuse When Caught Holding a Sex Toy in Public


Favorite High-Crime Neighborhood

Intersection That Will Most Likely Lead To Your Untimely Death

Favorite Backroad to Avoid the Cops While Driving High

Favorite Erotic Bingo Night

Favorite Church Where They’re Going to Heaven and You’re Not

Most Sexually Provocative Billboard

Favorite 16 Year Old Babysitter That You Sure Wish Was 18

Favorite Tropical Destination for Satire Writer to Escape an Angry Mob


Favorite Wedding Planner Who Would Love to Hear Your F***ing Ideas from Pinterest

Realtor You’d Like to Punch in the Face


Favorite Arby’s

Favorite Gentleman Jim’s Where You Can Ruin Your Life in One Night


Check Cashing Place That Embarrasses the City the Most

Favorite Hotel for an Affair

Favorite Business Where You Can Dump a Dead Body and No One Will Notice

Favorite Hardware Store to Buy Kidnapping Supplies

Favorite Movie Theater Where You Can Get To Second Base Without Being Judged

Favorite Place to Buy One Cup of Coffee and Leech Free Wi-Fi

Favorite Pyramid Scheme That Your Facebook Friend Swears is not a Pyramid Scheme

Favorite Vacant Space at the Mall

Favorite Windowless Van Rental Service Who Won’t Ask Questions

Most Motivated Kroger Employee