MURFREESBORO, TN – Peter Demos stood in the rain at a quickly-called press conference on Wednesday afternoon and announced that his immediate focus will shift from restaurant management to building an ark to save the City of Murfreesboro from oncoming floods.
“My mission in life and business has long been to provide exceptional food and service at affordable prices,” Demos told the four people walking by who noticed him standing in the rain holding a Little Tikes microphone set. “Now I have a new mission: to build an ark to protect the community from the great flood.”
According to Demos, God spoke to him while at the restaurant, which is where Demos knows God to spend most of his free time.
“God is normally at Demos’ for a quick lunch,” Demos noted. “He spends it with his buddies Earl and Clark from the tire shop. They tip well.”
Demos recounted that the Lord finished his soup, turned to Demos, and selected him to build an ark to save the community from torrential floods.
“That day, he enjoyed the Mexican Spaghetti, one of our finest meals,” Demos recalled. “You get the spaghetti, a side our delicious soup, and our baked rolls all for $5.99. It’s a great deal. In truth, we have many daily specials that are great deals. You’ve got the grilled Italian sausage spaghetti, the tilapia special, the chili stuffed potato…”
Demos spent about thirteen minutes reciting Demos’ lunch specials, during which time three of the four people in attendance left. After reiterating the great value at his restaurant, he returned to the topic at hand.
“God clearly charged me with building an ark and loading my family, my friends, and at least three months of hot chicken and rice soup on board,” Demos said.
“He digs the soup,” Demos added. “And who can blame him? It’s hot, it’s delicious, and it’s Southern Baptist approved.”
Sam Clemens is the man smart enough to start a fake newspaper. He can be reached with comments, compliments, and salutations at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you have a complaint, please see our Contact Page.