MURFREESBORO, TN – Last month, much to the dismay of conservationists and several nearby bitchy residents, a home builder proposed ninety-one town homes to be built near the Oaklands Mansion and nearby wetlands on North Highland Avenue.
The plan to build townhomes in close proximity to the Oaklands Mansion and the wetlands near Sinking Creek drew immediate criticism from at least seven citizens, who took loudly to social media and didn’t have much else to do but complain on Facebook and Twitter.
In the past few weeks, if you have witnessed the frenzy on social media, you may have learned that a land developer plans to drop at least three payloads of Agent Orange, Napalm, and other biological weapons of ecological destruction on the site of a proposed town home site.
On Thursday, protesters provided leaked documents to the Tribune, drawn up on the back of a Cookout napkin, which set out the first phase of construction: complete and utter desolation of every living thing in the Oaklands Wetlands, using only the most toxic, transmutable, and offensive chemical agents known to man.
“This is exactly what we expected,” said some lady in Birkenstocks. “It is now clear that these land developers just want to rape mother nature and murder our plant life.”
“It’s almost as if these people are trying to just make money or build nice new things,” this likely herbal tea drinker added. “Did anyone stop to think about the willows that grow near the creek?”
ParksLambSwansonMurfreeCorp, the company responsible for site development, declined to comment, instead asking who we were and why we were peeking over the bathroom stall.
This story is developing (pun intended thank you).